Wedding planning and the psychology behind it
A wedding is not just a union of two individuals but also of the two families. It is an amalgamation of different cultures, traditions, and beliefs. As the peak season of “will you marry me?” and “I do” is upon us, let us decipher more about what goes behind the wedding planning.
It is no wonder that this period is a mix of both love and chaos. If you are all set to get married in the coming times, be sure that everyone around you will tell you this is the best time of your life. However, be prepared as planning a wedding comes with a lot of stress and pressure.
I have been a spectator to various weddings, both for close family and far-off relatives. As a psychologist and therapist, I have been able to observe the behavioural patterns of those involved and deduce the driving force behind them. Plenty of factors come into play when it comes to how you plan and execute a wedding. Let’s unfold them and try to understand the psychology behind wedding planning.
Money involved in wedding planning
When it’s about budgeting a wedding, it’s almost impossible to stay under the mark. The amount of money spent mostly shoots up the fixed limit. Specifically in the Indian setup, the general expectation is of a “big fat wedding”. These expectations push one to go for everything larger than life and spend money on things that are not necessary or will not be of any actual use in the wedding process or after the wedding is over. Small or big weddings, the pressure to make it the best wedding ultimately falls upon the bride, groom, and their families.
With the introduction and heavy impact of social media in today’s time, the modern generation is extremely influenced. People want to follow the trends and be a part of the bandwagon, specifically with the perfection one sees on reels, TikTok, and Instagram. Because of this pressure, both online and from people around, the bride and groom end up disbursing huge sums of money on priests, customs, guest list, exquisite decor, delectable food spread, and expensive clothes.
When it comes to money, it does not only involve the wedding venue and clothes; it goes beyond that. Weddings involve catering for food, a DJ/wedding band for the first dance, a great party, and a photographer for capturing all the moments from the best day of your life, and not to forget — the wedding dress and rings. Every girl dreams of getting dressed in a dreamy lehenga or the best white gown — an outfit that casts a magic spell on every spectator at the wedding while she walks down the aisle.
Wait, it does not end there. You have flower decorations, lighting to focus on, the bar to look after, and ensuring that the guests are being looked after. The list goes on and on. And if the wedding wasn’t enough, the expense of going on a honeymoon is also one to be wary about. These are some of the concerns that add to the stress.
Managing money matters for a wedding can be as hard as finding yourself a partner or, as we call it — a soulmate. Being able to execute your wedding while staying on a budget is tough, but some people do pull it off quite nicely. With proper planning, a well-thought and revised budget, tight lists, expectation management between families, and the right wedding planners — it is possible.
Family politics by relatives
As I mentioned, a wedding means the union of two individuals, along with their families. It is one of the best things to happen when two families get together to become one with all the love and celebration. However, it doesn’t always end up in joy and celebration throughout. Things sometimes get nasty when the two families create chaos and get involved in politics. More often than not, families end up in a soup by bringing up memories, picking fights, and stirring up different old family dynamics. Weddings definitely bring families together, but it also brings together a lot of behind-the-scenes family drama.
I have often seen fathers tend to get protective about their daughters, mothers tend to get jealous about their sons, and other relatives simply get over-critical about different rituals, decisions around traditions, money, and guest list. All of this can lead to distress for the two most important people at a wedding — the bride and the groom.
In the course of wedding planning, you must leave aside these childish and petty feelings. Be the better person and join the union to celebrate one cause — the bride, groom, and their wedding. The couple as it is has to endure a lot during this process. Adding to the stress with drama, tantrums, unreasonable demands, petty looks, and nasty comments will only make things worse for them. A family’s support means a lot during such times.
Clothes to wear
Since the dawn of social media, the world has become extremely concerned about how one dresses and looks. Every step of planning now revolves around what one can post on Instagram, and what will get the most attention. It has become almost imperative to ensure that you are at your best dressed and in sync with the trends online and in the markets when it comes to clothing. Wedding wear is the most expensive when it comes to shopping. The range of these clothes starts from thousands and goes to hundred thousand. It is safe to say that it does not stop people from raging and buying all of the fancy wedding attires.
Now, when we talk about wedding wear — it is not just “the dress”. Wedding wear involves clothes for every occasion. It includes matching jewellery, matching shoes, bags, and whatnot. The list goes on, and it is almost never-ending. The pressure to buy expensive stuff for the wedding that you only get to wear once is high but also unreasonable. It is important to understand your budget when you step out for shopping. Nowadays, there are so many alternative options in the market. The bride and others in the family can rent wedding wear at one-fourth the cost and save a fortune.
However, some families believe in buying all new stuff for the wedding and go for multiple trials. Sometimes, due to the stress, the bride/groom tends to binge eat or even not eat at all. These triggered eating habits can make them gain or lose a lot of weight. As a result, the clothes might actually not fit well at the end. That is why ensuring that the bride and groom are not under a lot of pressure, are eating healthy, and taking good care of their health is a massive concern that needs to be addressed.
Unwind and take a pause
If you are a bride-to-be or a groom-to-be, here are some things you can do to take a break. These simple steps will help you live in the moment while also participating in the hustle of planning the festivities:
Indulge in self-care
Proper exercise and hitting the gym are just surface-level self-care to look good. But to feel good, one must eat healthy food. It is important to have a good, balanced diet during the wedding prep time. Give yourself some time to meditate during the day and unwind.
Getting adequate sleep is also a must to ensure you get all the rest you need. It will help you be active each day and participate fully in the preparations. Apart from this, investing in good skincare and body care is equally important. Take time out to go to a spa. Or even go for different procedures for your skin to enhance your glow and make it feel healthy inside out.
Find some me time
It is important to take time out for yourself and do things unrelated to wedding planning and shopping. Go to a dance class, go swimming with friends, read a book, go to brunch with friends. Do anything that you would do if there was no pressure of planning a wedding over your head.
Ensure that you don’t leave your true self behind and get sucked into the process of making arrangements. It might seem tempting to drop all hobbies and quit your job to focus completely on this. However, to have a sense of individuality during this entire process is equally important. These things will help you have a perspective and a peaceful state of mind.
At last, talk it out
My first advice would be to go for therapy. It is the best way to unwind, talk without pressure or judgment. It also helps you get a clear perspective on tackling everything from budgets, choices, family politics, pressure from relatives, etc. You can even talk to a trusted friend or family member, or even your fiancé or fiancée, for that matter. I know it can sound intimidating, but talking helps. Getting things off your system can give you that much-needed relief and you can focus on the big day.
All in all, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Whether it is stress related to the wedding, or it is a last-minute decision, or it is about the transition to a new house and leaving your comfort zone behind. Therapy can be a great resource at this time and support you when you need it the most — when no one else seems to understand your situation.
A therapist can help you feel validated, understand your feelings and aid in providing coping strategies. Help is always available. Lastly, enjoy this process and soak as much as you can. It’s your wedding and you must make the most of it. Have fun and make sure to do things as per your convenience.
