Surviving a quarter-life crisis

Recently, I met a few of my friends from school after a very long time. We were all sitting over a few drinks and discussing our lives. Happily chit-chatting about where we are in life and what we are going through. Over time, we all realised that most of us are trying to figure out ourselves and dealing with a quarter-life crisis in one form or another. If you haven’t heard the term “quarter-life crisis” before, don’t worry. I am here to explain what it is, and if you realise you are struggling with it too, read along to know how to deal with it better.

A quarter-life crisis is a phase of uncertainty and confusion that runs in the minds of young adults, typically in the age bracket of 25-35 years. When you find yourself trapped, dissatisfied, and struggling for answers — be it related to your careers, relationships, self-discovery, families, or even finances, you might be going through a quarter-life crisis. But, again, beware and don’t use this term too casually. A crisis is much different than an inconvenience. If you’ve been struggling with something for a long time, feeling confused, trying to fight it out but still getting no feasible solution, you might be in a soup.

How did you get here?

The age where you are in your late-20s to mid-30s can be tricky. It is a whirlwind of stepping into the real world, where real problems and responsibilities await you. Till your mid-20s, you’re all wrapped in a fuzzy blanket of love and comfort — your parents have your back, and school/college grades are the biggest worry. And then bam! Welcome to adulthood!

We are all told that this is the best age, but the reality isn’t always as picture-perfect, is it? This is where it gets serious — searching for a job, finding out your goals and career path are not in alignment, embracing a passion, becoming financially independent, navigating a relationship, coping with distancing friendships, etc. The list can go on, but I would just stop at that. The anxiousness around these things and building a perfect life, leaving no regrets behind, is real. So, if you too are anxious and asking yourselves questions like “Is this what the rest of my life will look like?”, “What am I doing with my life?”, or “When will I be finally happy?”, then continue reading as the solution may be around the corner.

Are your feelings due to a quarter-life crisis?

A quarter-life crisis can be due to several reasons depending on different individuals. Broadly, the crisis usually manifests due to a dissatisfaction with careers, relationships, or self. Navigating these paths at a time when nothing seems to fit right is the dawn of a quarter-life crisis.

When you’re going through this phase, you will often find yourself asking the question “What am I doing with my life?” Reflecting upon a feeling of being unhappy and purposeless, you will often find yourself yearning for a change. Be it finding a new job, finding a new place to move to, or breaking up with a long-standing yet toxic partner, the reasons can be many, but the feeling will be the same.

Fear of missing out (FOMO) and constant comparison with your peers bog you down further during such a time. When people are unhappy and unsure, they often compare their not-so-perfect lives with the seemingly shiny, happy lives of others. During this phase of your life, you might start feeling that while everyone has their lives sorted, you’re still struggling. If this kind of FOMO or comparison is ruining your mental health, it’s a cue.

Lastly, feeling a lack of identity and languishing are the most hard-hitting feelings accompanying a quarter-life crisis. In such a phase, you might often question your beliefs, values, and goals. While establishing your values and goals is a long, demanding process, you might also feel that life is empty and stagnant. Slow growth and a lack of answers can be toiling symptoms of a quarter-life crisis.

What do you do next?

The first step to finding the solution to a problem is accepting that there is a problem. The Instagram saying “delulu is the solulu”(delusion is the solution) seems cool and funny only on the app. It’s the last bit of advice that one should take seriously.

If you have been unhappy, not satisfied, and are yearning for a change, start by asking yourself about the root of these feelings. Where exactly is the problem? Is it your draining career, is it a relationship that is sucking the happiness out of you, is it your dysfunctional family that is paralysing you, or something else? Only when you introspect and accept that something needs alteration, you’ll be able to help yourself.

The next step is to accept that as you grow, your belief sets, values and interests change with time. Often these changes no longer align with the paths you chose earlier in life. Start by being mindful of your feelings and the changes you see in them. Mindfully doing some inner work by regularly engaging in meditation, journalling, and speaking to life coaches and experts can be very useful at such times.

Now, you need to find answers to questions such as what makes you happy, how you picture your future, what are your value sets, what are your goals, what gives you stress and anxiety, etc. Regular introspection and checking whether your life paths are still in sync with your beliefs is imperative to remain satisfied. Once you recognise the changes in your values and belief set, you’ll be better equipped to decide further. While you’re making efforts to do all the inner work, what you need to stop doing is comparing yourself with others.

One thing you all need to understand, especially the younger lot, is that no one out there is living a perfect life. You never really understand the struggles of a person unless you step into their shoes. What you see on social media is a carefully curated feed that aims to show perfect and happy moments of a person’s life. Take it from me: a lot of these moments may also be orchestrated. Therefore, stop undermining the beauty of your unique journey just because someone else is better at displaying it.

Another thing you need to do is allow yourself to be indecisive and be open to change. In an ever-changing world, the only thing constant is change. When navigating a quarter-life crisis, it’s very natural to be unable to decide the next steps with ease. If you have flickering thoughts or an inclination towards several things, embrace them. Give each of your options considerable thought, and take your time to decide. If you can’t make a decision, don’t rush. Clarity will come with time.

And, if nothing works and the path ahead seems unclear, don’t fret and seek support. Seeking help is a sign of courage and not weakness, as we’re often told. Reach out to a parent, a therapist, or a life-coach, depending upon the issue in question and seek relevant help.

You’re not alone

The next time you feel overwhelmed with all the pathways and potholes that lie ahead of you, appreciate the fact that it is in your 20s that you start writing the story of the rest of your life. Every experience will teach you something new and somewhere down the lane, it will come in handy. Don’t be afraid to follow your heart and make decisions that bring fulfilment to your life.

Everything said, you are not alone. There are so many people who are living with a feeling of uncertainty and dissatisfaction. It is very much a part and parcel of adulthood. If life is giving you lemons and you don’t know how to make lemonade, you know you can always learn!

Navigating your choices and finding yourself is a crucial part of self-discovery and growth. This battle can help you seek paths leading you to happiness and satisfaction. Be calm, keep going, and most importantly, be compassionate and kind towards yourself. You deserve happiness. With a little work, especially inner work, you can head to heights where a lovely view awaits.