Sowing the seed of self-awareness in children

Have you ever meticulously observed a toddler? A little enthusiastic adventurer who is exploring the many facets of the world with a clueless mind and an innocent heart. Imagine, if one could help them with a magical tool, a compass that guides them to their north, to their inner-self, making them understand their own heart and mind. With this magical tool called self-awareness, the kids can navigate the world with newfound clarity, courage, and kindness.

Self-awareness in general is defined as the extent to which one is consciously aware of their internal state as well as their relationships and interactions with others. Self-aware children become empathetic adults. A self-aware youngster will have the intelligence to influence their social behaviour as well. It is convenient to start training children with self-awareness practices as they can be moulded easily. It is beneficial to start at an early age to make them aware of themselves and help them recognise and understand varied emotions within them and make it a part of their lifestyle. The easier it is for them to recognise their emotions, the better they will be able to express themselves in the future.

Self-awareness majorly consists of three parts:

Recognising one’s emotions

This is the very first step of becoming self-aware. It is imperative to identify the right emotions that one is feeling. At times, one may yell or behave angrily on the exterior but internally, they might be feeling disheartened or let down by something. In such a scenario, children are trained to first identify the emotion that they’re feeling and then speak or act. By doing so, it will make their and other people’s lives much simpler. With such mindfulness, they will be able to cultivate amazing, honest connections.

Identifying triggers

This might be tricky to teach but with practice, it becomes easier. Instead of focusing on who did what or said what, start asking children which part of these actions or words made them feel a particular emotion. Then delve into the emotion they felt. If your child comes home after a fight, ask the child to narrate the whole instance and then ask them what made them indulge in a fight. Suggest and ask if they felt hurt or insulted or disheartened by the other child’s words and actions.

Empathising with others

This last part of self-awareness makes it easier for children to identify other’s emotions, understand their perspectives, and act accordingly. It helps in resolving conflicts and builds positive relationships.

To inculcate self-awareness in children, parents and teachers can do the following:

Emotion charts

Start by demonstrating various emotions via act and play. Then make them identify their own feelings. Children need to recognise and differentiate between different emotions before they can point out their inner feelings. You can create or purchase mood stickers or emoticon stickers for this activity. At the end of the day, ask your child to pick out a sticker that resonates with their feelings during the day. Once the child sticks the emoticon, sit with your child and ask about their day, the events that happened at school, ask about their friends, why they felt a certain way, did they take any action in consequence, and how long that particular feeling lasted. Once the child is done sharing, you must also share about your day. This makes the child feel connected and worthy.

Journalling

If your child is at an age where they can write, make them journal every day after dinner. Give them prompts like, “what was the best part of your day?”, “which part of the day did you not like?”, “were there any specific goals for the day?”, “were they able to achieve it?”, “was it easy to achieve it?”, “if they faced any challenges, how would they like to be supported?”, “did they do anything good/bad during the day?”, among others.

Acknowledge honest feelings

An essential part of self-awareness is being truthful or honest about one’s feelings. Parents can help children open up about their actual feelings by referring to and asking about their child’s specific behaviours. For example, a sister threw off her brother’s block while he was playing and looked pretty upset about something.

So, as a parent, you can calmly ask the child, “I noticed you were upset about something earlier when you threw your brother’s blocks, would you like to talk about how you felt at that time?” Such a conversation will allow the child to recognise her feelings, make her realise what is the correct way of dealing with these feelings. Even without you scolding her, she might realise her mistake and apologise to her brother for not expressing her emotions in the right way. The child will also learn to identify the intensity of her emotions. You will end up creating a safe space for your child to come and discuss exactly how they feel.

Learn and identify core values

Everyone has built some core values over the years. In the case of children, one must educate them about various core values by sharing your own or by giving them an overall explanation of what core values are. If you’re unaware of core values, you must first identify yours. Then let the child recognise and identify different core values that they feel strongly about. There could be a few they do not resonate with, ask them to identify these as well. Some of the core values are honesty, courage, community, compassion, equality, integrity, respect, acceptance, commitment, freedom, trust, curiosity, etc.

Tune into your needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy identifies various human needs for us. Now, as parents or teachers, or even as caregivers, one must understand that children do not know how to identify an unmet need. They can only identify with the physical symptoms they’re experiencing and can express those only. For example, if a child complains about a rumbling stomach daily at bedtime, they might be feeling scared or unsafe and are expressing it differently. Now as a parent, you may recognise that their need for safety is unmet. So, ask the child what is that they are exactly feeling and try to identify with the child if they are feeling unsafe alone. Here, the idea is to make the child recognise the need for safety. Similarly, children can be guided to identify their true needs.

Self-aware children improve their level of confidence, are more optimistic, and have a growth mindset. Awareness of who the individual is and how they feel is an essential first step for social-emotional learning. It will give children the tools they need to understand relationship skills, self-management, social interactions, and improve their decision-making skills. In times where ‘fast living’ is a trend, it takes only a few minutes to sit with your child to make them more responsible beings.

As a coach, it is my suggestion to everyone to spare 30 minutes in a day for yourself and your child to create a more humane environment for future generations, they will thank you for years.