Combatting global boiling with wit and humour
It’s official! We, humans, have proved yet again that we are the worst! First, it was global warming that was wreaking havoc. However, most of us conveniently ignored all the warnings and signs that were issued. Some of us just refused to accept that it exists. Others spoke too much about it and did nothing. The results of this preparation to combat climate warming just came out. We failed with flying colours and the era of global boiling is officially here.
With Aurora making a spectacle at random locations, storms raging stronger than ever, to growing solar storms. We have officially entered the stage of Global Boiling. July 2023 was declared the hottest month the Earth has ever seen. We have breached the safe limits of temperature rise, and the era of Global Warming is a thing of the past. It’s so hot that now that the scientists call it “Global Boiling”.
But I’m not here to discuss how we screwed up. Or to remind everyone of their civic duty towards Mother Earth. The way I see it, life will go on until one day, it won’t. And we will cease to exist knowing it’s our fault. When that happens, it’ll probably be too late. Hopefully, our generation won’t be alive to witness D-day. D-Day is the big Destruction Day. Yes, I wish we do as much as we can to postpone the said D-Day, but that’s a story for another day.
Amid much disheartening news and serious discussions about global boiling, there is humour hidden in the dark corners of the Internet. With serious discussions sometimes come brilliant, albeit funny or even impossible suggestions. While the intentions are noble, some ideas will leave you in splits. If they do work out, that will be one heck of a feat by mankind for sure. In the meantime, we can all sit and enjoy a hearty laugh and also wonder if any of these ideas would work at all. So, just for today, let’s fight the global boiling of climate and personal stress with wit and humour.
In 2009, a competition was organised to save the planet. More than 1,700 submissions were made by contestants suggesting unique ways of combatting rising temperatures. 26 of which were declared winners. One of the winners, Eduardo Gold, had suggested painting the Peruvian Andes mountains to their original colour — white. The idea was that white would reflect the Sun’s rays into space instead of being absorbed by the Earth. Similar suggestions of painting the mountain ranges and roadways white have been made by various individuals over the years. I wonder if there will be a shortage of white paint someday following these suggestions. Barbie created a shortage of pink, and global boiling might lead to a shortage of white!
De-vampiring of livestock
Funny title, I know. Livestock farming is one of the leading producers of greenhouse emissions. The livestock releases millions of tons of very potent greenhouse emissions in the form of methane. To put it in a sophisticated manner, cattle farts and flatulence cause it. It is a result of methane-producing bacteria present in the livestock stomach. Some suggest switching to a vegan or vegetarian diet to overcome this problem. However, some probably meat-loving scientists have another innovative solution. They have suggested raising the livestock on ‘garlic’. According to studies, garlic kills the methane-producing bacteria in the stomach. While this might solve the problem of deadly farts. I wonder if they have thought about the deadly bad breath ‘moos’ that might accompany this innovative solution.
The hot and scorching Sun waves are causing our beloved planet to warm, right? So why not give the Sun a taste of its own medicine? Several scientists have suggested reflecting the Sun’s rays into space to save the planet from further warming. You must have guessed that mirrors are involved in this idea. If the suggestion ended with mirrors, you would wonder if these mirrors could be placed at some remote location, probably at a certain height. That sounds plausible, right?
Though we will not debate about the credibility or working mechanics of it. Besides, that wasn’t the idea proposed at all. The idea was to send mirrors as huge as Greenland into space to act as Earth’s shield. The mathematical estimate is that it would block at least two per cent of Sun’s rays. I wonder if they calculated or even considered the math required to send a Greenland-sized mirror into space!
Let there be an explosion
The word explosion always comes with a disaster story attached to it. Since the invention of the first explosives, there has been a long and bloody history attributed to them. Apart from the beautiful New Year’s fireworks, I don’t recall a single instance of explosive materials leading to a happy ending.
But now, in the most outlandish suggestion ever made. A controversial book has suggested mimicking volcanic eruptions. Let me explain! The idea is to mimic the cooling effects of volcanic eruptions with man-made ones. The DIY method suggested is attaching several miles of the garden to a helium balloon and pumping sulphur dioxide into the outer atmosphere. Sulphur dioxide has a cooling effect by blocking sunlight. Of all the outlandish ideas, I hope this one doesn’t make a cut. Because if it does work, that would be nothing short of proof that God exists!
If you have any such outrageous, funny, witty, crazy ideas, let us know them too. Who knows something might just work out leading humans to rule the Earth for a million more years than we are originally destined to. Till then, open your eyes to reality and look around at the irreversible damage done by humankind. Let us all do our bit and make conscious efforts every day to save the planet from burning down.
Article by: Gauri D.