Building the pillars of emotional intelligence
The world you live in and the life you lead, would constantly introduce you to new people and experiences. While some of these would bring immense joy to you, others would leave you baffled and bewildered, with a gush of innumerable emotions jumping and raging in your head, leaving you distraught. While you cannot control your experiences with your surroundings, with emotional intelligence you surely can learn how to manage your emotions better. Only then you can truly leverage the beauty of this world without being affected by the little specs of dirt here and there.
Canadian-American motivational speaker Brian Tracy said, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude towards what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” And, that’s exactly where emotional intelligence comes into picture. Having the basic aptitude and ability to interpret, demonstrate, perceive, evaluate, and control emotions to communicate with others and relate with others effectively is termed as emotional intelligence. For the uninitiated, it is essential to express and regulate your emotions and at the same time, have the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to other people’s emotions as well. To be successful in life, it is vital to have both intelligence quotient as well as emotional quotient as one has to deal with human beings for all needs, be it personal or professional. To be emotionally intelligent, we first need to decipher what all it comprises.
There are four levels which collectively enhance emotional intelligence in people:
Perceiving emotions
The first step in understanding emotions is to become aware of them accurately i.e., to understand them appropriately. It also involves understanding non-verbal signals such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures.
Reaasoning with emotions
The second step involves using emotions to promote thinking and logically acknowledging one’s feelings. Emotions help prioritise what one pays attention to; an individual responds emotionally to things that garners their attention.
Understanding emotions
The emotions we perceive can carry a variety of meanings and reasons. If someone is expressing anger as an emotion, the observer must interpret the cause of the person’s anger and what it might mean. For example, if your spouse is angry, it might mean that they are dissatisfied with you in some way, or it could be because they got a speeding ticket on their way to work that morning, or that they were scolded by their boss. Try to identify the reason behind the emotions.
Managing emotions
The ability to manage emotions effectively is the most essential part of emotional intelligence. Regulating your emotions as well as appropriately responding to people’s feelings are integral aspects of emotional management. Now that we have understood the four levels of emotional intelligence, let’s learn its importance and how it can be useful. It helps improve one’s overall mental health and well-being, builds better bonds and relations — personally and professionally, makes children more aware and saves them from being bullied, and promotes a more holistic, mindful way of living. Emotional intelligence plays a huge role in daily lives, here’s a look at some of the examples:
Practising the art of pausing
Anyone who is emotionally aware knows that emotions can be really overpowering but are also temporary. So, whenever an event results in an emotional rush, an emotionally intelligent person will always pause before responding or reacting. This entire act of pausing allows them time to understand the true reason behind those high emotions. They would be able to rationalise the various factors surrounding the situation. This will prevent unwarranted reactions and keep the situation under control.
Increased self-awareness
Emotionally intelligent people are well-equipped to understand and analyse their own emotions as well as those of others. They understand what and why they’re feeling a certain way. Consequently, they become adept at responding to a situation in a calm and controlled manner. If an individual is able to maintain their composure in aggravated situations, they are likely to diffuse the tension.
Practising empathy
A major part of emotional intelligence is developing empathy — the ability to imagine how others feel by understanding their state of mind. By doing so, you can relate to the other person’s feelings and are able to respond in an appropriate manner.
To practice emotional intelligence on a daily basis, you can try the following:
- Be empathetic towards others at home or your workplace
- Accept criticism and take responsibility
- Forgive yourself and others for mistakes
- Say no and set healthy boundaries
- Develop the ability to share your feelings with others
- Understand why you take certain actions
- Avoid being judgemental at all times
- Become a good listener
- Always be kind
If you are someone who is already exercising emotional intelligence but want to level up, here are a few suggestions that will help:
Listen more
Listening is a skill that very few can master in this fast-moving world with an ultra-low attention span. If your intent is to understand what other people are feeling and saying, you need to start listening and pay attention. Both verbal and non-verbal cues need to be understood while trying to understand underlying emotions and feelings. Observe the body language and gestures while you listen. All these things can help you interpret emotions better.
Empathise
Try putting yourself in other people’s shoes and understand where they are coming from and what is their point of view. When you start feeling what they might have felt, you become graceful. The clarityhelps in keeping thing calm and you tend to be more receptive towards multiple emotions and feelings.
Reflect
Understanding how emotions influence one’s decisions, behaviours, and actions allows one to see beyond surface actions. One develops the ability to think about how other people respond by assessing the role their emotions play. If there are unseen factors contributing to certain feelings, one needs to analyse as to what they might be experiencing because of them, and how your emotions might differ from theirs, or how the situation can be controlled.
As one explores all these questions and scenarios, one becomes empathetic towards others and is emotionally available to neutralise the possibilities of a heated outcome. The only downside is, emotionally intelligent people are often taken for granted owing to their composure and the fact that they seldom spiral out of control.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to be self-aware, empathetic, expressive, and perceptive. They are good at regulating their emotions and staying motivated as they work towards their goals.They also have strong social skills and can use their understanding of emotions to communicate effectively. While some people hone these skills naturally, you can learn and practice how to become an emotionally intelligent person.
In times of artificial intelligence, the world needs more emotional intelligence. Give it a shot to see how you can add value to your life and to that of others. Maybe the next time you pause and analyse your feelings before reacting, it changes the course of the rest of your life.
